Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Baxter, Reggie and the Bonz

We lost our sweet Baxter 14 months ago. He's sitting nicely on my plant shelf and I still tell him good-bye every morning. He was such a sweet gentle spirit and left us just like he lived, quiet, without fanfare, peaceful. He made sure we didn't have to make the decision no pet lover ever wants to make. He also left before it got too hot, he didn't like the heat, and he left in time for us to find out about a litter of puppies, Golden's just like him. We brought his little brother home from Parowan Labor Day weekend 2015, and there hasn't been a dull day since. We feel like since we lost Otis, Baxie's brother, so soon, (he was only 3 1/2) that we are getting the chance to raise him now. Reggie Mac is so much like Otis, his shape, his happy, waggy body, and his love of destroying every toy we buy him. We love this little guy. It's a good thing Rick and I both love dogs, our marriage would never survive if only one of us loved them. Justin also loves animals and especially Reggie Mac right now.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Drug/alcohol abuse

I am passionate about drug/alcohol abuse. I've seen first-hand the devastation it causes. I've seen a normal, functioning family become an addicted family. I've seen children get sucked into the sickness, even though they don't live at home anymore. I've seen grown men be silent about this disease, when they should be shouting from the roof tops and helping siblings overcome the terrible effects.

It is absolutely a family sickness. No one will step forward and confront the addicted person, they are too afraid of retribution if they do. They all turn a blind eye, when they know a call should be made to authorities about illegal activities being conducted.

One brother is gone due to the effects of alcoholism. He used to carry around a clear "water" bottle at deer camp, with his name on it, so the brothers wouldn't suspect what was really inside. The brothers never confronted him, but HE knew that THEY knew. He finally decided he had to quit, but by that time his body was beyond repair. He left behind 2 children and 2 grandchildren, and now has one more grandchild, a boy, named after his grandfathers.

The thing that I notice most about addictions is that the addicted person thinks everyone is against them. They do no wrong, everyone else picks on them. This gets worse as the addiction worsens. They justify what they do, and they truly believe that others don't see what they are doing. When in actuality we all know what goes on, but there again, I guess I'm even effected, no one does anything.

There have been cousins lost due to the same addictions. The tendency to become an alcoholic/drug abuser is inherited, not the actual disease. Some families are severely effected, with many family members suffering from the disease.

Over the years I've come to understand that I totally don't get the addiction (thank goodness), that I don't understand why the affected person can't quit. I'm just thankful that my personal, immediate experience ended many years ago. I'm thankful for a husband that is strong, who has good values and loves and cares for Justin and I.

I don't think our family addict will ever be healed, I'm afraid that he will end up spending time in prison, again. Sometimes I think this is the best solution, not just for him, but for his aging parents. His parents are the ones suffering the most because of his addiction. We are all affected by the actions of the addict, we all love him, we all worry about him. Most of all we all worry about his parents, about the possibility of abuse, the stress this places on his parents. We know that they are heart-sick, but don't know what to do that would help. This is truly a family addiction.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

We had a snowy day today. It was beautiful.

Most of this post was written just before Christmas. I left it as a draft, and after visiting with Lori Fillerup about our moms today, I finished it and posted it. It may be pretty personal, but these are things that I want recorded so they don't fade with time.

December 2011
This time of year there are so many things to be grateful for. I'm so grateful for a strong, loving family. I have the best husband, son, brothers, brother's-in-law, sister's-in-law, mother and father-in-law. I am truly blessed.

I've been looking forward to Christmas a lot this year, which I think is kind of funny, considering I lost my little mom just 4 1/2 months ago. What a ride that has been. I'm looking forward to a family Christmas, with new traditions starting - a new beginning.

The day my little mom passed away I wrote on Facebook that August 1st would be a good day for a new beginning. I think Collette and I both felt the anxiousness surrounding mom that day, and I believe that we both knew that would be the day. It was a grand new beginning for my little mom, she was able to return to our loving Father in Heaven and "her Max" and Terry, along with countless other family members and friends.

It was also a new beginning for our family. Whatever would we do without her to hold us together? What would I do with my time after work when I would usually go to her house and help her shower or help her with dinner. What would I do without her to call and laugh with and complain to, she always took my side even if I was at fault. I knew that I would never have a champion like her on my side again. No one loves you like your mother.

There have been so many tender mercies this past year, that I almost hate to see the year end. I say "almost" because it's been a pretty tough year also. It's been a year of enlightening for me, coming to the realization that my little mom was still with me in the early part of the year, but she wasn't the little mom that I had had for so many years. She couldn't go shopping with me or really do much outside of her home. I so enjoyed our lunches and after work times together. I so fought her getting "old". I knew she was getting older, but it wasn't until near the end that I finally admitted to myself that she really was a little old lady.

She has always had so much grace and a vitality of life that everyone noticed about her. Her most endearing quality was her humility. She truly had no idea of how special she was to everyone, that made her even more loveable. Although sometimes it drove me nuts that she would belittle herself, her abilities, etc.

I think one of the reasons that I'm excited for Christmas is that she is with me and helping me through this hard time. Between her and my Heavenly Father, I am able to endure my days without her here with me. Because of losing her I think that I truly love my family more, I cherish my time with them. That's all I want for Christmas - family time and good food.

February 2, 2012
Shower time with little mom was the absolute best. At first I resented the time it took, but as I gave in to the love and need I felt from mom I came to love our time, truly alone together. We had such fun and laughed. I'd tell her to lift up the boobs so we could clean under them, she'd chuckle. She loved me to rub her with lotion and was always so happy to be clean and have her garments back on. This is the time I got hooked on Hempz lotion that Collette supplied her with.

I miss our times together, a lot. When I allow myself to think of her passing away, I can't believe that she's really gone. I don't remember when I first realized she was a "little, old lady". In my mind she's still active and fun and I'm bringing her lunch and calling "hello my little mom", and she's answering "hello my little Wendy". Great memories and very sad to not be making more with her.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Little Mom

I cancelled our little mom's phone service today. We've had the same number for over 50 years. Funny how sad this made me.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Okay Jill

Jill added a comment on my last post wondering where my resolve had gone. So now I'm feeling guilty that I haven't posted my progress. I haven't made the time to update much, but that doesn't mean I've forgotten that I trying to improve myself.

I'll do a good update this weekend, but for now I'll just say I don't think I've lost an ounce. That's a hard thing because I've been running 4 days a week for the past 3 weeks and a little less the week before that. I'm getting a good workout and I really thought I'd start to notice a difference by now, since I've been so not into workouts for quite a while. I'm running a 5k, 3.2 miles. I'll run for 2 miles, walk for about a quarter mile then run the rest. I'm not running fast, my best time for 5k has been 36 minutes. While that's not slacking, it's also not fast.

One thing I'm noticing is that I'm looking forward to working out, and I haven't felt that way for a long time. I have a conference in St. George next week so I'll try the outside thing for the first time this year. That's what I'm really looking forward to, outside running. I've been plotting a course in my area. Since moving into our new house in 2006, I've only run a 2 mile course. My first outside run in my area will be about 4 miles, and I'm sure I won't run the whole way, but I'm starting with a longer run so I will get used to that distance and progress from there. It's kind of fun to think of running in my "new" area. There are more options than in the Garden Park area. I used to run up Minersville Highway to the old turn on Hwy 91 and back, which was 5 miles round trip. My all-time favorite run was from the KB Express in Fiddlers Canyon, home to Garden Park. Rick would drop me off there on his way to work - I absolutely loved that run.

As you can see I'm pretty excited. Short post on steroids. More ramblings over the weekend.

Peace out! (for Megan)

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Journal time

Okay, so here’s the deal.

I’ve had too many excuses for way too long. I’ve always loved working out alone, like running alone, etc. I’ve been pretty good in the past at holding myself accountable. All that’s changed over the years and I’m not very reliable anymore.

So, starting Monday, I’m going to keep an exercise journal. I know that’s not a new idea, only to me. I’m going to commit myself to daily exercise, eating more healthy (which in my case means less), and I’m going to track my feelings and emotions. I want to track how I feel emotionally and mentally when I’ve done what I should and also on the days I don’t do as well.

I am not weighing myself or measuring myself. I only really need to lose about 10 pounds and I’ll know when the inches start to come off. I will not discourage myself right at the beginning. I don’t want a picture of my in my old 2-piece swim suit. I MAY want a picture of me in that same swim suit after I feel better about myself, but then again I may not.

Over time I have become a little too comfortable with myself, I worry less about my weight than I used to. I guess it has a lot to do with getting older, you notice I said oldER not old. I want to be the best me I can be, for me, Rick and for Justin. I want to be healthy and live for many, many more years. I want to feel comfortable in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I want my “love handles” to get smaller, which means Rick can grab my butt instead. HAHAHA.

I’m posting this on my blog, which only Lindsay, Jill, Justin and Nikki read, not because I want them to hold me accountable, but because I need to finally step up and become reliable again – for me – for my health and maybe to get out of my comfort zone and run a race this year – sometime.